Cómo dejar de justificar cada cosa que quieres (incluida la moto de agua)

When dreams feel like something you shouldn't take seriously

For the longest time, I treated dreams like something mystical. You know — visualize hard enough and the universe will deliver. Turns out psychologists now see it differently: dreams model behavior and sustain motivation. Not magic — a tool.

But here's the catch. To dream usefully, you first need to figure out: what do I actually want? Three books helped me untangle this.

I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was by Barbara Sher — for those who feel embarrassed about wanting things

This book teaches you to let go of the tension. To dream freely, without the constant "but what if it's stupid?"

Sher suggests an exercise: imagine five different lives you could live. Not one "correct" path — five. This removes the shame. You're not choosing forever, you're just exploring.

There are rituals like "buy a special notebook" that might feel unnecessary. But if you know the feeling that your dreams aren't ambitious enough or "don't deserve attention" — this book helps.

Eric Berne, A Layman's Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis — to separate what's yours from what's not

Sometimes you dream about something, then catch yourself thinking: is this even my desire? Or do I want it because "that's what people do"?

Berne explains how the psyche works and why we often mistake other people's expectations for our own. If your dreams feel imposed — this book is like a mirror. Helps you see where you end and where the voices of parents, society, advertising begin.

Mo Gawdat, Solve for Happy — about happiness here and now

Gawdat is an engineer who lost his son. His formula is simple: happiness = perception minus expectations.

Sounds like oversimplification, but the idea works. If expectations are too high — any result disappoints. Lower the bar of expectations (not ambitions — expectations) — and suddenly an ordinary day becomes pretty good.

This book isn't directly about dreams. It's about not postponing life until "when the dream comes true."

What helps me

I keep something like a "dreamy achiever's journal." I write down whatever comes to mind. Sometimes dreams turn into goals. Sometimes I reread them six months later and think: "Seriously? That's what I wanted?" But mostly what I actually focus on are the big dreams, long-term goals, and paths to get there. I don't have an entrepreneur's brain, and I can't figure out how to make enough money to buy a house by the sea, a jet ski, and afford a physical therapist three times a week so my multiple fractures don't hurt so much. Basically, I don't really need a journal or anything else — my desires haven't changed since I was 18. I've gotten used to living in a parallel reality, ignoring how things actually are. That's just me. I'm used to it. I've made my peace with it.

If your dreams are reasonable, like all my friends' dreams, and they evolve gradually along with you — then these books are definitely for you. And so is the next formula.

The main thing — write it down. While a dream stays in your head, it's blurry. Put it on paper — and you can see whether it's really yours or not.